Self Care | Coloring Books

Self Care | Coloring Books

I honestly don’t remember how or why I came across adult coloring books but I thought they were such a cool idea; esp since I had still been buying Disney ones from work. I read it was suppose to serve as a type of meditation. It was 2015 and I was in a stressful place. So I used the coloring books as my moment of silence. I invested in colored pencils, pens and paint. I’d spread it all out on the floor and just do whatever I felt like doing. And it was so theraputic.

When I moved to Texas I started up again for awhile, I always mean to finish my books but sometimes it just feels like so much work — I get obsessed with the idea of completing things but I rarely ever do. I’ll finish this book some day!

I recently got a new iPad to learn how to draw with Procreate. But I ended up downloading a bunch of coloring books and trying them all out. The one I settled with is called Pigment. They have “books” by various artists. They host challenges and there’s an awesome sense of community there. I honestly wasn’t interested in getting follows and likes, I’m just there to color when I can’t sleep or to get my mind off things. And browsing other peoples versions of the same page; that part is always interesting!

I love doing blends and textures and shading. I’m still learning as I go but the options they give you on this app to create texture is really fun to play with. The girl with the arrow on the right was my first grayscale I colored. It was super hard but trying to make the elements around her look realistic was fun to play with.

Also shading the ice cream bowl and the milkshake cup on the left came out better than I expected. The whole page did actually! My husband didn’t like the cloud page; he didn’t understand why I colored “outside of the lines”. I think that’s the fun part about anything creative: it’s subjective. There is no right or wrong answer.

I’m still trying to find hobbies that calm me. I found watching a show while coloring in bed helps. I don’t the luxury of always being able to do this though, which kinda sucks.

I watched a few more episodes of Emily in Paris and I was mass live messaging a former co-worker who’s from Paris since he finished the series so far. Sorry Cyril, I had a lot to say lmao. I also started the second season of Great Greek Myths, hate you had to pay for the last few episodes of the first season. But I’m finding the more I watch this… the more and more Athena and Aphrodite are my least favorite. Athena has got some weird problems man. Also, I’m finding I was wrong about Paris of Troy, and I’m mad about it cause I still think he’s a big ass bitch. And of course nothing beats binge watching FRIENDS when you’re having a sick day.

I also finally finished the Shades of Kawaii book!

I’m having a lot of fun testing my creativity while still actively meditating in the process. I have to admit, there are a few nights I may have sleep colored a page cause there’s a few I really do not remember completing lol.

I had my sights set on an anime coloring book next but the second page had me stumped and I’ve deleted my progress at least 3 times. Maybe I’ll come back to it, who knows.

Have you tried adult coloring books?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I’m feeling slightly better from being sick over the week and weekend! I’m ready to get back to work — after I take a nap.

I’ve been listening to a lot rap lately; but then again I usually do. But more so recently, being sick last week sucked. I hate feeling sick during the holidays or pre-holidays because I always feel like I have so much to do. It honestly doesn’t help that whenever you’re feeling at your lowest it seems like the universe wants to remind you all these things are coming up that you have never heard of before!

So this week is going to be a week mostly of catch up. With making calls I need to make, cleaning, wrapping gifts for my family and friends, and getting ready to ship things. Also to look into things I’d like to bake for the holidays. And set up my streaming/Switch stuff. Oh… and my end of the year TBR. I really really need to work on that TBR plus I’m so close to finishing my GoodReads reading challenge!

So this week I want to try to remind myself to chill out, grab some coffee, think these things through and plan realistically and handle it. It’s almost 2021 and I need to get my mind, my soul, and my money right.

My current playlist;

My Shit Bang by E-40

Zipper by Jason Derulo

Gangsta Nation by Westside Connection

Hood Stomped Out by Clyde Carson

Walk it Out by Unk

Is That Your Chick by Memphis Bleek

What Means The World To You by Cam’ron

Get Your Walk On by Xzibit

I Think They Like Me by Dem Franchize Boyz

Grillz by Nelly

F Em All by ThisWae

A lottttttt of these songs bring me back to high school and college and of course ThisWae is my brother. This is legit one of my favorite tracks by him. And the video is dope af.

I don’t talk much about my before life but I grew up in a hood ass area. Graduated from a hood ass high school after being kicked out of my own high school. Can “childhood trouble makers” grow up to be decent adults and successful? ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTLY. Who you are in high school does NOT define you. I’ve seen a handful of the worst people I graduated with grow into business men, I’ve watched them find success, and be amazing fathers and husbands. And we ALL cheer each other on. It’s been years since we graduated but I’m still just as close to all of them, they all support me, lift me up and cheer me on when I need it.

It might also help to explain my ex husband was just as hood. I loved watching him c-walk. We were those annoying ass people who sat in a mall parking lot bumping rap with their car doors open just chillen. I met Wae through my ex husband, they rolled in the same circle. Wae himself has put him and his friends in fights and all kinds of crazy shit when we were kids. But ever since the first day I met Wae he had my back. When people at work were harassing and shit talking me, he stood up and told them to back off. It’s rare to find people like that, so when you do, you hold on to them tight. The love I have for him is absolutely endless.

So rap and hip hop have been a huge part of my life. And I hate that the more I’m away from home, or people like me, the more I feel that part of myself fade away. It only comes back when people push me to my limit and I stop caring about what people think or say about me. Esp since I’m a really nice person and I really try to stay out of peoples way.

So this week, I’ll remember who I am. Where I came from. What I’ve accomplished and what I know I’m capable of.

Monday Mindful Manifestation

It’s getting closer and closer to the end of the year; which means shorter days. Chaos. ALL THE GIFT WRAPPING. And if you live away from home, trying to figure out when to hit the post office before everyone else plans to.

The last 2 weeks have been a bust on so many blog/reading/cleaning plans. Readjusting to medication always sucks and there’s always something new that happens it seems. I don’t remember the first time I went through this anything like this. Then again I didn’t have an active toddler to watch last time and had the luxury of sleeping all day. If that’s what I wanted.

I am however 98% done with my Christmas shopping; I just need to wrap, address, stick in a box and SHIP. But even I think it’s a bit too early to ship. Maybe this weekend, since it’ll be closer to Thanksgiving and I know that’s when most Filipino’s put up their Christmas tree’s. Speaking of Thanksgiving I still haven’t found a dessert I want to make! Bubba got me a kitchenaid (FINALLY) and now I can bake ALL THE THINGS I WANT but now it’s like my mind went blank and I don’t know what to do. Something similar happened when a friend of mine got me Photoshop 7.0 back in the day. I sat there with an empty new document for what felt like DAYS. My ex husband would stare at me like “your mind is just exploding isn’t it?” and I’d just sit there staring at my screen whimpering lol.

I have a few fun things bookmarked but nothing that really screams Thanksgiving.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Remember to rest.

Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time resting. Even though I don’t sleep through the night and I refuse to take naps. I almost feel guilty taking naps. Like there’s so much to do/get done that I can’t nap. And whatever, that’s fine. But I do need to remind myself to rest. Be it setting aside some time to just read. Or color in a coloring book. Or binge watching a show I’ve already seen. Whatever my definition of “doing nothing” means, I need to make more time to do just that.

And with the holidays coming it would be best to remember that now before the crazy starts.

Hope you all had a good weekend and have a good week!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

It’s so cold today and it’s gloomy and raining. But so far I haven’t seen any lightning or heard any thunder and I LIVE for that on rainy days. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. Who knows, it’s Texas after all. I’ve been trying to get Sophie to stay out of the office this morning and Tums keeps wedging herself between us saying “no, no!” she’s so protective over her fur-sister it’s insane. Insanely adorable.

I finally got my Sage in last week. Thank goodness. It’s crazy how something like that could change your entire night time routine and your mental health. I need to be better at keeping Sage around. I still need to work on cleaning, sorting and organizing the office and some of the living room. I just don’t know where I want things to go just yet. And I also need to find a dish or something for my crystals.

It totally slipped my mind that Halloween is this week. I feel like I didn’t even get a chance to enjoy October yet! There’s no pumpkin patch photos or anything with us this year and I’m trying not to be disappointed. The most I can do is be better at prepping for Christmas. Even if Halloween is my favorite, there’s always next year…

I have a few exciting projects I can’t wait to get started on; both will be pushing my creative boundaries which I haven’t done in SUCH a long time. One will be using my love for candles and wax melts as well as incorporating scents into memories and the other will be using the culinary skills I learned almost 20 years ago that I should had been using this whole time. That part is gonna be the harder one.

November is also NaNoWriMo and I’ve written the beginning of the book I’ll be working on this year. It’s not another retelling, it’s not fairy tales and it’s not really YA either. It’s more like something I feel like I have to write about and I have to get out of my system.

I’m big on starting heavy projects and being all excited about them and suddenly just stopping randomly because I get discouraged. The only thing I so far haven’t quit on is blogging and photography. I’m trying to be better at not quitting before I start and not getting discouraged so easily.

Luckily the longer I take my Zoloft (I’m on a much lower dose than I was on the first time 5 years ago) the more I can feel my brain fog lifted. The more I can feel my creativity coming back and wanting to be used. And it’s been such a long time since I’ve felt like that. Now if only I can get my financial shit in order I’d be so set.

This week I want to manifest and remind myself that I’m capable of all the things I dream of doing and accomplishing.

What’s something you’re looking to manifest this week?

Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

Me and my bro have been really close since day 1. He’s the first dude to stand up for me in the drop of a hat. Don’t matter if I’m wrong or right, he’s got my back, period. And in all the years I’ve known him, he’s always been there for me. Period. Also probably one of the only Pisces I get along with. We both have a tendency to move around a lot so we haven’t seen each other since… 2007 I wanna say? But conversations with him always feel like a recharge to my soul.

There are moments, days, weeks where my closest friends will do something or say something to remind me how much they truly love and care for me. How absolutely unconditional it is and always has been. And I know I tend to forget that sometimes. I never forget that I’m never ever alone but sometimes I do tend to forget that there are a lot of people who would miss me if I were gone.

Stay close to those who makes you feel like you’re easy to love

Because no one should ever be around energy and around people who make you feel like you’re worthless and not worthy of transparency, love and support. I have found myself in those places one too many times and every time it’s taken a toll on my mental, spiritual, emotional and even my physical health and that’s not okay.

This week I’ll remind myself that no matter where I think I am in life, no matter how behind I personally feel I am, that there are people in this world that still think I’m worthy of everything I dream about. That there are people who know my past, who have lived it WITH ME that never factor it into anything negative. Would never use it as a way to say I’m a bad mom. That there are people who KNOW how much I hated kids and are happy to see how my daughter makes me light up. And that my friends love her just as fiercely as I do.

Wishing you all a good week!

3 Zen Things I Added To My Room

I’m not sure if my room now is bigger or smaller than my previous — I’m gonna go with smaller simply because there isn’t room in here for a play pen or a jumper like there was in the last. Yet the last room had an open closet concept so there was that whereas this new room has the closet on the other side of the bathroom. Which imo is kind of awkward. And a bitch to vacuum cause then I gotta carry it OVER the hardwood floor and it’s just a big thing. But the closet is freakin huge.

I’ve always wanted to zen out my room and over the years I’ve tried. But nothing really clicked with me or the ideas I had didn’t turn out exactly as I had imagined them and I got discouraged. But this time I was SUPER determined, especially considering Tums now has her own room/space so she doesn’t need to crowd up mine! She still co-sleeps cause at this point there just is no turning back from that.

I spotted this floor light at Target and fell in love with it; I love how it has shelving underneath. I just wish it had more shelving. But I knew I wanted a floor lamp after the bedroom light in the last apartment blew out and we were without a bedroom light for months other than fairy lights. Plus I haven’t had a floor light since the movers lost mine on the way to Texas from Florida back in 2017. This floor light is what inspired me to think of other elements that would create a more zen feel in my bedroom.

I also knew I wanted to get a smaller salt lamp. I have others from my mom that are a bit bigger. This one just has a color changing bulb inside which is why it looks blue. You can’t set it to one color or turn off the color changing aspect which kinda blows. But it fits perfect on that shelf.

I spotted this new line of “luxury” products in the bedding section at Target. They had candles, these, throws, sleeping masks a whole line of cozy stuff! I opted for the diffusers (even though I literally don’t get how they work) and 2 room sprays. I kind of wish I had gotten Tranquility in a room spray. I’m trying to stay away from getting more candles atm. As luxury as this line looks, it wasn’t expensive. The sprays were $10 which is still cheaper than Bath & Body Works and I think the diffusers were the same price. As well as the candles.

I ended up moving the diffusers to the bathroom where they seem to fit more for, just wish the scent throw was stronger. And in its place I put a wax melt warmer. I have yet to snap a pic of the new set up.

I haven’t done much with the second shelf just yet. It has my bowl of earrings but that’s about all. I had some décor to put on the TV whenever I get it back from my husband — if I do. His big screen somehow broke in the move. Idk man. I really don’t. So now he’s using my TV in the living room. Which I said was fine for now since me and Tums don’t spend all day in the room like we use to.

I tried getting the night stand that matched my headboard but they were sold out. So either I wait for it to come back in stock or I find a different one. The only problem is how am I going to match it based on a picture online? I mean, granted THIS ONE literally doesn’t match ANYTHING in this room but you know. I’m being picky.

I finally put up the wireless charger I’ve had since I got home from giving birth. Yeah I know. And I freakin love it! You can’t tell but it’s rose gold on the sides. I got it on Amazon here if you’re interested. I also got an Alexa Echo Show which I didn’t know was a thing and it was on sale when I spotted it! So yay, even better! I wanted the Echo Dot that had the screen on it but I guess that was like an older version of this one. And this one was cheaper. It’s exactly what I wanted; Alexa with a screen to show me the time and weather. The husband uses it as an alarm clock and you know, it has all the usual Alexa features.

My dad actually gave me the Echo Dot I have that currently lives in the living room/kitchen. And we’ve been obsessed with it! We use it for almost everything. I use it for music alllllll the time and I just discovered you can install “skills”. So I have a bunch of Tagalog ones on mine!

I’m trying to figure out how I want to set up the dresser. It has a few things on it but I feel like they don’t really go. So I’m gonna redo it. Maybe when I get the TV back and I get a better idea of how much space I have.

So far I’m really happy with how my room is coming together. I just have to keep working at it and not get discouraged if I can’t figure anything out. I’m really trying to avoid falling into my usual discouraged hole!

Do you have any objects in your room that gives you a sense of Zen?

Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

We got our keys to our new place last weekend; so now we’re in the process of moving things through out the week. I ended up with a migraine the day we got our keys and honestly getting sick the week or right after I move has always been a thing and I’m so over it. Like come on body, we move every year for the last 10 years. Sometimes twice. Get with the program, we got shit to do!

OCD freak out aside (when it comes to the bedroom, hardcore); I’m suuuper excited to start setting up and decorating the office/the kiddo’s room. Half will be my office and the other half will be her “room” or her “space”. So far she’s not digging being in there by herself. She has a problem with not being able to SEE us so I’m not exactly sure how to make it easier on her. We have a much bigger kitchen with a beautiful breakfast island. But no built in bookshelves. Weird. I mean I could always install some on the walls if I really want to, which I might actually do this time. I’m also really excited to be able to use my desktop again!

Continue reading “Monday Mindfulness Manifestation”

Sage & Chill: 5 Reasons You Should Sage Cleanse

It took me forever to catch this but I’m so glad I did.

My cousin has been bugging me to Sage Cleanse for maybe a year or two now. Ever since he started doing it. In March my BFF sent me Sage along with my Disney snack “because we both need good vibes after 2019,” I finally gave it a try about a month (or less) ago. And I’ve been obsessed since. Honestly, the first time I did a whole apartment Sage Cleanse I got really sleepy and hungry. My cousin was like “yeah girl, that’s all those bad vibes getting the hell out.”

Since then I picked up this one with Lavender from Etsy, and honestly, I’m almost done. It’s been so fun watching the fire ignite even more when you blow on it because of the dried Lavender. Wouldn’t recommend if you have a problem seeing holes; I don’t remember what it was called. I’ve noticed that when I do Sage I don’t get these mini anxiety attacks I usually get in my nightly bath. I’m usually more relaxed then I’ve been in a very long while. And I sleep better. I also like the smell of Sage… it’s kind of comforting.

I don’t know why I took so long to try Sage Cleansing, but I really wish I had started sooner.

5 Reasons Why You Should Sage Cleanse;

Continue reading “Sage & Chill: 5 Reasons You Should Sage Cleanse”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I’m drafting this post a little later than usual; this weekend was hectic. And I’m just tired, like in my soul. Not to mention whoever said period cramps go away after childbirth LIED. I feel like the pain has been getting worse and worse every month. I’ve been really into Sage cleansing, so much that the Lavender Smudge Stick I just got is almost done. Just wish it didn’t shed so much!

This week I want to focus on the things I can control.

I’m such a huge believer in the law of attraction, it’s just lately my mind has been cloudy and distracted. I have a set of things I’d like to manifest and make happen within the next year or so; one being finishing my BA studies (just one dinky year left) and another is growing this blog. I get so caught up between this one and hazearella and I get things mixed up but I need to set a solid posting topic for them both and stick to it.

I created this blog to brain dump my mental health posts, I didn’t feel it belonged on hazearella since the theme has always been pink and girly things. I found myself reviewing things more there and talking less and less about my life. I’ve tried to change that a few times but it’s hard when stick yourself in a box. It does seem that my posts about Texas do well there ironically?! Whereas here I was free to talk about gaming, Funko Pops (even though I haven’t yet), Disney, books, anime and my own demons.

It’s National Suicide Prevention Month and when I first started this blog I did a whole series dedicated to the hobbies I throw myself into when I’m trapped in a depression spiral. I’ve thought of redoing the series, so maybe this year I’ll do just that!

So here’s my public throwing-this-out-in-the-universe notice that this week I’ll focus more on the things I want to manifest than the things I haven’t gotten done yet.

Wish me luck, this is going to be a challenge!

What is something you want to manifest this week or month?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I stumbled on this quote on Pinterest last week. I’m not sure if this is actually something I can manifest but it’s something I can definitely consider. Well I guess I could manifest it too.

I use to be a pretty open book; I don’t add people to my FB unless I know them or know I can trust them. When I added my in laws my mom told me to either delete them or to stop talking about my mental health. She was afraid they’d think I was crazy. I told her not to worry and they don’t judge like that. Not to mention one of my husband’s sisters works in mental health.

What I didn’t know was that they were pretty selective lurkers. It seems like they’d catch a gist of my post but now the whole thing. So in January when his mom and sisters targeted me, his adopted sister in law and his adopted brother in law, his bio sister who works in mental health and his mom had a lot to say about my mental health. Saying I was full of shit and I was crazy and basically everything my mom warned me about.

Granted this is the second time in laws have done this to me.

Don’t you just hate when your mom is right?!

But there are so many of my friends that message me thanking me for being so honest and transparent about the things I struggle with because it helps them feel less alone. Because it helped them sort out their own feelings about a similar situation. And I end most of these posts on a positive note.

Ever since I was diagnosed with OCD, depression and mild anxiety I wanted to change the conversation. I hated how my ex husband thought I was “making it up”. I hated how hard it was to find info on OCD and anxiety back then (think the days before Google). I read every article I could find, every book. To try and understand why this was happening to me. If it was cureable. If it would ever go away.

How could your brain just break and how do you unbreak it?

I didn’t like how alone I felt, and I don’t want anyone else to feel alone. Anxiety is already a very unkind friend living in your head. Just be fuckin kind to other people. I’m pretty sensitive when someone attacks me because of my anxiety. And I’m most likely going to cut them off forever because they are literally not my type of my people and definitely not my audience.

Because of this I have scaled back on posting on FB at all. I don’t even know the last time I posted a picture of the kiddo. And tbh, that’s unfair to my mom.

So I could remind myself that writing about what hurts helps people.

And all I ever want to do is make people feel less alone. Less misunderstood. It’s just so hard to write when I’m constantly wondering if they’re lurking my stuff for more shit to talk about me. And yes, it shouldn’t matter. But it makes me so uncomfortable.

Last time this happened it was the final straw that made us consider a divorce, it got so bad I tried filing for a restraining order against my then mother in law and sister in law.

But this is something I struggle with every day and it fuckin sucks.