Friday Finds

The weeks are just zipping by, but I say that every Friday, don’t I?

This week was filled with making tons of phone calls, sorting moving stuff and trying to sort my stuff before we have to start packing. I’m so awful at getting rid of things and I really need to start slimming down on the stuff I have and the stuff I buy in the future. I’m a stress shopper and I really need to start being a stress SAVER. I invested a bit in some Pinterest/Instagram templates and now that I have I’m like what can I post next… while I have a TON of content pending, I tend to feel like ehh, maybe now isn’t the best time then I miss the seasonal window.

I got back on FFXIV, kinda. There’s so much to catch up on and honestly all I did was change my gear cause even then, the upgrade from the last time I was on in insane in terms of the ilvl (the item level; the higher the item level the less squishy you are). I’m told in order to keep leveling my crafters (I’m a total crafter in any game I’m on) I’m going to have to do Main Story Quests and more dungeons. Sigh. Weird ass Shadowbringers requirements. I also hopping back on Animal Crossing and HOLYYY WEEDS.

On to the links;

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Monday Mindful Manifestation

I stumbled on this quote on Pinterest last week. I’m not sure if this is actually something I can manifest but it’s something I can definitely consider. Well I guess I could manifest it too.

I use to be a pretty open book; I don’t add people to my FB unless I know them or know I can trust them. When I added my in laws my mom told me to either delete them or to stop talking about my mental health. She was afraid they’d think I was crazy. I told her not to worry and they don’t judge like that. Not to mention one of my husband’s sisters works in mental health.

What I didn’t know was that they were pretty selective lurkers. It seems like they’d catch a gist of my post but now the whole thing. So in January when his mom and sisters targeted me, his adopted sister in law and his adopted brother in law, his bio sister who works in mental health and his mom had a lot to say about my mental health. Saying I was full of shit and I was crazy and basically everything my mom warned me about.

Granted this is the second time in laws have done this to me.

Don’t you just hate when your mom is right?!

But there are so many of my friends that message me thanking me for being so honest and transparent about the things I struggle with because it helps them feel less alone. Because it helped them sort out their own feelings about a similar situation. And I end most of these posts on a positive note.

Ever since I was diagnosed with OCD, depression and mild anxiety I wanted to change the conversation. I hated how my ex husband thought I was “making it up”. I hated how hard it was to find info on OCD and anxiety back then (think the days before Google). I read every article I could find, every book. To try and understand why this was happening to me. If it was cureable. If it would ever go away.

How could your brain just break and how do you unbreak it?

I didn’t like how alone I felt, and I don’t want anyone else to feel alone. Anxiety is already a very unkind friend living in your head. Just be fuckin kind to other people. I’m pretty sensitive when someone attacks me because of my anxiety. And I’m most likely going to cut them off forever because they are literally not my type of my people and definitely not my audience.

Because of this I have scaled back on posting on FB at all. I don’t even know the last time I posted a picture of the kiddo. And tbh, that’s unfair to my mom.

So I could remind myself that writing about what hurts helps people.

And all I ever want to do is make people feel less alone. Less misunderstood. It’s just so hard to write when I’m constantly wondering if they’re lurking my stuff for more shit to talk about me. And yes, it shouldn’t matter. But it makes me so uncomfortable.

Last time this happened it was the final straw that made us consider a divorce, it got so bad I tried filing for a restraining order against my then mother in law and sister in law.

But this is something I struggle with every day and it fuckin sucks.

Friday Finds

The weeks are just zooming by I feel like. We’re already in the ninth month of 2020. But it feels like 2020 has been going on for like 20 years itself. I’m not stressing about “the new normal” as much now as I was in the beginning, but I am still paranoid and stressing over how to keep myself and the kiddo safe and healthy. The problem is we can take every precaution and a 3rd party member can just ruin everything for us.

This week Tums as been watching someone named Blippi over Daniel Tiger so I guess I can’t be that mad. He’s less annoying that Daniel. She also WALKED ON HER OWN this week!! I’m so proud of her!! She takes small steps by herself on the bed when she’s watching her cartoons but if you ask her to do it she’ll definitely act like she has no idea what you’re talking about. We settled on an apartment to move to, thank goodness. Heard my mother in law has been asking my husband where we’re moving to and it’s seriously making me uncomfortable.

Maybe I should just start weekly recap posts cause this is already way too long lmao.

ON TO THE LINKS;

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