Monday Mindful Manifestation

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I’m feeling slightly better from being sick over the week and weekend! I’m ready to get back to work — after I take a nap.

I’ve been listening to a lot rap lately; but then again I usually do. But more so recently, being sick last week sucked. I hate feeling sick during the holidays or pre-holidays because I always feel like I have so much to do. It honestly doesn’t help that whenever you’re feeling at your lowest it seems like the universe wants to remind you all these things are coming up that you have never heard of before!

So this week is going to be a week mostly of catch up. With making calls I need to make, cleaning, wrapping gifts for my family and friends, and getting ready to ship things. Also to look into things I’d like to bake for the holidays. And set up my streaming/Switch stuff. Oh… and my end of the year TBR. I really really need to work on that TBR plus I’m so close to finishing my GoodReads reading challenge!

So this week I want to try to remind myself to chill out, grab some coffee, think these things through and plan realistically and handle it. It’s almost 2021 and I need to get my mind, my soul, and my money right.

My current playlist;

My Shit Bang by E-40

Zipper by Jason Derulo

Gangsta Nation by Westside Connection

Hood Stomped Out by Clyde Carson

Walk it Out by Unk

Is That Your Chick by Memphis Bleek

What Means The World To You by Cam’ron

Get Your Walk On by Xzibit

I Think They Like Me by Dem Franchize Boyz

Grillz by Nelly

F Em All by ThisWae

A lottttttt of these songs bring me back to high school and college and of course ThisWae is my brother. This is legit one of my favorite tracks by him. And the video is dope af.

I don’t talk much about my before life but I grew up in a hood ass area. Graduated from a hood ass high school after being kicked out of my own high school. Can “childhood trouble makers” grow up to be decent adults and successful? ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTLY. Who you are in high school does NOT define you. I’ve seen a handful of the worst people I graduated with grow into business men, I’ve watched them find success, and be amazing fathers and husbands. And we ALL cheer each other on. It’s been years since we graduated but I’m still just as close to all of them, they all support me, lift me up and cheer me on when I need it.

It might also help to explain my ex husband was just as hood. I loved watching him c-walk. We were those annoying ass people who sat in a mall parking lot bumping rap with their car doors open just chillen. I met Wae through my ex husband, they rolled in the same circle. Wae himself has put him and his friends in fights and all kinds of crazy shit when we were kids. But ever since the first day I met Wae he had my back. When people at work were harassing and shit talking me, he stood up and told them to back off. It’s rare to find people like that, so when you do, you hold on to them tight. The love I have for him is absolutely endless.

So rap and hip hop have been a huge part of my life. And I hate that the more I’m away from home, or people like me, the more I feel that part of myself fade away. It only comes back when people push me to my limit and I stop caring about what people think or say about me. Esp since I’m a really nice person and I really try to stay out of peoples way.

So this week, I’ll remember who I am. Where I came from. What I’ve accomplished and what I know I’m capable of.

It’s Monday, What Are You Reading?

Another Monday. Another new week! I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately which is why the blog has been a bit quiet this week but I have a mental health evaluation today so hopefully they can help!

I did somehow manage to finish two books last week but I’m still struggling with a few other titles I started for October.

What I read;

| You by Caroline Kepnes
Amazon* | Goodreads

I finally finished the audiobook of YOU by Caroline Kepnes and I started the show on Netflix. But I’ve only gotten like half way through the first episode cause well.. toddler. If it’s not Paw Patrol or Daniel Tiger she won’t sit quietly. I LOVED this audiobook! I loved being in Joe’s head. I loved how the author manage to make you feel sorry for Joe. I absolutely hated Peach and Beck honestly. I have so many things to say about Beck. I was really cheering for Karen.

I rated it 4 stars and probably one of my favorite reads of 2020. Review coming soon!

| Crenshaw by Katherine Applegate
Amazon* | Goodreads

This was a middle grade read my husband got for me a while back. It’s about a kid in a stressful situation and suddenly this imaginary cat friend shows up. When I overly stress, aware of it or not, I hallucinate small things. Mostly a black cat that likes to stare at me from doorways and flick it’s tail around. It started in Dec of 2014 when I had a mental breakdown from my ex husband lying and not coming home. My husband now has never ever made me feel crazy or think that this cat follows me around insane. So he got me this book as a comfort read. And I absolutely love that he did.

I love middle grade books that have super hard topics and this is definitely one of them. There were so many times my heart broke for these kids. The reason why I rated it 3 stars is because of the ending.

Goodreads Reading Challenge 2020;

Finishing 2 books this week put me at 17 books for 2020 out of my goal for 20. Thankfully I’m on track. I know my goal is super low this year but I wanted to be realistic. As small the goal, I’m super excited I’m finally on track!

What I Plan On Reading;

Tbh, I don’t know!

Here are a few options of what I plan on choosing from. I’m disappointed I’m struggling so hard with Unmade considering how much I love the Lynburn bois, esp Jared. And I hate how Ash is growing on me. But I really hate how much I’m struggling with this read. This is what I get for taking 7 years to finish the series.

The Invisible Life of Addie Laure, The Midnight Library and The Haunting of Beatrix Greene (cause I read everything by Rachel Hawkins) are high on my pick up list but I have no idea what I’m in the mood for!

What did you finish last week? What are you currently reading? Let me know in the comments below!

Friday Blogtober Finds

This week has been weird. I’ve been without Sage for almost two weeks now. I ordered some from the Etsy store I usually get them from but for some reason they haven’t shipped yet. So that bit of my nightly routine has been missing and I’m super feeling it at this point. A super good friend of mine has been struggling with a nonstop migraine for almost 3 weeks now and I’m worried as hell. I wish there was a way I could help her. Through it all she’s still managed to be warm and sarcastic as always. I’m sending you so many good vibes Kay.

I’ve also been planning Christmas gifts for people in my life since I don’t want to be caught doing alla that last minute like I have been the last few years. Since we assume Tums is going to get a crap ton of toys from her grandparents on her dad’s side I’m trying to think of toys that will spark her imagination or books. But I’m seriously considering getting her a camera; she’s been fussing with my dSLR the last week. Including right now. As I type this.

I’m horrible at unpacking, seriously. Idk if it’s an OCD thing or what but just know, I’m absolutely horrible at unpacking! I still have to set up Tum’s side of the room and finish unpacking clothes and other things. Not much I can do about books right now until I settle on bookshelves. As well as a real computer chair so I can start filming book videos again. At least, I’m hoping to!

I’ve also got a ton of fun projects I’m excited to start on. Whenever I get done unpacking, cleaning and setting this place up. I’m aiming for before Thanksgiving.

I’ve been bookmarking things on MSN and Food52 like crazy without realizing just HOW CLOSE TO HALLOWEEN we already are. Where the heck did October go?! Moving in the beginning of the Fall season really throws my end-of-the-year routines off! I mean should I just put away the Fall decor now and start setting up for Christmas?! That being said I have a few links to share that’ll hopefully help you get in the Halloween mood; if you’re like me and it hasn’t exactly hit you yet.

Fall to me is cold dark rainy days, bowls of hot soup, fuzzy socks, pumpkin scents and movie marathons.

I’m sharing mostly food posts but hey, Halloween is also about food so there’s that;

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Friday Blogtober Finds

Fall is my favorite season. I wait all year for it. But this year… I’m not as excited as I thought I would be. I wouldn’t say SAD has made an appearance but other things in my life have been getting me down. And I know I should be super excited right now. I moved into a new place that I love everything about (except for the lack of elevator). I’m working towards making my apartment as zen as possible. There’s a freakin Starbucks across the street and I can see a 711 from my window (you know what that means? SNACKS FOR DAYS). But I just feel like there’s something holding me back from being me. And I’ve felt this for awhile but it seems like right now it feels so much more heavier than usual. And I don’t know how to ease it or make this feeling go away. I just… suddenly feel like I can’t relax or be myself in my own home almost. Or that who I am isn’t “acceptable”.

This week I’ve been spending more time on Mozilla Pocket. I don’t know if this was always a thing but I just now stumbled on it. So if you like bookmarking interesting articles I’d suggest you check it out! I’ve also been spending a lot of time scrolling through Food52. I hope you all are having an amazing week and that it’s cooling down wherever you are!

On to the links;

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Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

This week has been crazy.

We fully moved into the new place (which I swear I feel like a broken record at this point, my bad yall) and now it’s just a matter of organizing things, sorting through things I want to keep and get rid of, cleaning, and cleaning some more. I had plans to decorate but due to money issues (isn’t adulting fun) that’s gonna have to wait. I also need to buckle up and be way more mindful of what I’m buying. I really want to replace my desk and my night stand but I haven’t found one of either that I actually like, so.

This week I want to focus on staying calm and trying to control my OCD as I go through and clean the new place. I want to focus on not letting the feeling of being overwhelmed distract or discourage me; and I know that’s a lot to be asking but I really really want to try to manage these emotions this week because I KNOW they’ll come up.

I want to focus on making this place the zen, clutter free home I’ve always dreamed of. I also want to make Tums’ play area the way I envisioned it. Which will probably take a lot longer than I’d like to admit. But it’s a process, right?!

I’m trying to keep up with blogtober as best as I can despite missing Saturday and Sunday; maybe I’ll keep the weekends free since Saturday is usually errands day and Sunday is usually my full home cleaning day. If only people got paid to be mothers lmao (as I hold the baby on my lap while typing this)!

I hope you’re all having a wonderful day and I’m wishing you a wonderful and productive week!

Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

We got our keys to our new place last weekend; so now we’re in the process of moving things through out the week. I ended up with a migraine the day we got our keys and honestly getting sick the week or right after I move has always been a thing and I’m so over it. Like come on body, we move every year for the last 10 years. Sometimes twice. Get with the program, we got shit to do!

OCD freak out aside (when it comes to the bedroom, hardcore); I’m suuuper excited to start setting up and decorating the office/the kiddo’s room. Half will be my office and the other half will be her “room” or her “space”. So far she’s not digging being in there by herself. She has a problem with not being able to SEE us so I’m not exactly sure how to make it easier on her. We have a much bigger kitchen with a beautiful breakfast island. But no built in bookshelves. Weird. I mean I could always install some on the walls if I really want to, which I might actually do this time. I’m also really excited to be able to use my desktop again!

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Friday Finds

It’s moving week. Which means the last few days in the apartment I’m currently at. Of all the apartments in Texas I’ve lived in, this one has been my favorite so far. Despite you know, being way too close to my in law’s house. The location (other than that) is so cute. When we moved in it was up and coming with a ton of fun small businesses. But since COVID hit, some of those small businesses have had to close down and it’s so so sad to see. There was also a coffee shop downstairs (that’s now closed) that got me addicted to Cold Brew. But so far, no one has made it like this place does! And I’m so sad they’re gone! A few new small businesses have also moved in; I can’t wait to see what this place will be like in a year or two.

Our new place is clear across town; somewhere I can reset and start over. It’s also another up and coming area and things are getting completed super fast. There’s a lot around us and there’s only going to be more. I absolutely can not wait to see what businesses move in around us! And also, for the first time I don’t have a pool view. As much as I loved it in my last place, I’ve also hated it. People aren’t the best at following pool curfews or you know, not blasting music.

This week… I’m not sure what I’ve been doing besides stressing. And reading various articles on sites like The Every Girl and Food52. I’ve been trying to read more since it’s almost time for my annual October Reading Challenge and because I went a little crazy on NetGalley after 3 years of not even logging in.

On to the links;

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Monday Mindful Manifestation

It’s moving week.

I move every year. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a thing I do. A thing I’m use to. The one obvious proof I clearly have commitment issues. I have moved every year since 2011; that’s almost 10 years of moving and I’ve never renewed a lease. There’s too many other places and areas to discover! I don’t do well with staying in one place for too long.

You’d think with knowing this I’d be PRO at packing and unpacking right? Hell no. Not even close. I feel like every year I have even MORE stuff than the last time I had to pack/move. I guess now that I have a toddler that doesn’t really make anything better either. And even worse is we haven’t even started packing yet. I don’t know what is going on but I’m definitely disappointed in myself.

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Friday Finds

The weeks are just zipping by, but I say that every Friday, don’t I?

This week was filled with making tons of phone calls, sorting moving stuff and trying to sort my stuff before we have to start packing. I’m so awful at getting rid of things and I really need to start slimming down on the stuff I have and the stuff I buy in the future. I’m a stress shopper and I really need to start being a stress SAVER. I invested a bit in some Pinterest/Instagram templates and now that I have I’m like what can I post next… while I have a TON of content pending, I tend to feel like ehh, maybe now isn’t the best time then I miss the seasonal window.

I got back on FFXIV, kinda. There’s so much to catch up on and honestly all I did was change my gear cause even then, the upgrade from the last time I was on in insane in terms of the ilvl (the item level; the higher the item level the less squishy you are). I’m told in order to keep leveling my crafters (I’m a total crafter in any game I’m on) I’m going to have to do Main Story Quests and more dungeons. Sigh. Weird ass Shadowbringers requirements. I also hopping back on Animal Crossing and HOLYYY WEEDS.

On to the links;

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Monday Mindful Manifestation

I stumbled on this quote on Pinterest last week. I’m not sure if this is actually something I can manifest but it’s something I can definitely consider. Well I guess I could manifest it too.

I use to be a pretty open book; I don’t add people to my FB unless I know them or know I can trust them. When I added my in laws my mom told me to either delete them or to stop talking about my mental health. She was afraid they’d think I was crazy. I told her not to worry and they don’t judge like that. Not to mention one of my husband’s sisters works in mental health.

What I didn’t know was that they were pretty selective lurkers. It seems like they’d catch a gist of my post but now the whole thing. So in January when his mom and sisters targeted me, his adopted sister in law and his adopted brother in law, his bio sister who works in mental health and his mom had a lot to say about my mental health. Saying I was full of shit and I was crazy and basically everything my mom warned me about.

Granted this is the second time in laws have done this to me.

Don’t you just hate when your mom is right?!

But there are so many of my friends that message me thanking me for being so honest and transparent about the things I struggle with because it helps them feel less alone. Because it helped them sort out their own feelings about a similar situation. And I end most of these posts on a positive note.

Ever since I was diagnosed with OCD, depression and mild anxiety I wanted to change the conversation. I hated how my ex husband thought I was “making it up”. I hated how hard it was to find info on OCD and anxiety back then (think the days before Google). I read every article I could find, every book. To try and understand why this was happening to me. If it was cureable. If it would ever go away.

How could your brain just break and how do you unbreak it?

I didn’t like how alone I felt, and I don’t want anyone else to feel alone. Anxiety is already a very unkind friend living in your head. Just be fuckin kind to other people. I’m pretty sensitive when someone attacks me because of my anxiety. And I’m most likely going to cut them off forever because they are literally not my type of my people and definitely not my audience.

Because of this I have scaled back on posting on FB at all. I don’t even know the last time I posted a picture of the kiddo. And tbh, that’s unfair to my mom.

So I could remind myself that writing about what hurts helps people.

And all I ever want to do is make people feel less alone. Less misunderstood. It’s just so hard to write when I’m constantly wondering if they’re lurking my stuff for more shit to talk about me. And yes, it shouldn’t matter. But it makes me so uncomfortable.

Last time this happened it was the final straw that made us consider a divorce, it got so bad I tried filing for a restraining order against my then mother in law and sister in law.

But this is something I struggle with every day and it fuckin sucks.