Self Care | Coloring Books

Self Care | Coloring Books

I honestly don’t remember how or why I came across adult coloring books but I thought they were such a cool idea; esp since I had still been buying Disney ones from work. I read it was suppose to serve as a type of meditation. It was 2015 and I was in a stressful place. So I used the coloring books as my moment of silence. I invested in colored pencils, pens and paint. I’d spread it all out on the floor and just do whatever I felt like doing. And it was so theraputic.

When I moved to Texas I started up again for awhile, I always mean to finish my books but sometimes it just feels like so much work — I get obsessed with the idea of completing things but I rarely ever do. I’ll finish this book some day!

I recently got a new iPad to learn how to draw with Procreate. But I ended up downloading a bunch of coloring books and trying them all out. The one I settled with is called Pigment. They have “books” by various artists. They host challenges and there’s an awesome sense of community there. I honestly wasn’t interested in getting follows and likes, I’m just there to color when I can’t sleep or to get my mind off things. And browsing other peoples versions of the same page; that part is always interesting!

I love doing blends and textures and shading. I’m still learning as I go but the options they give you on this app to create texture is really fun to play with. The girl with the arrow on the right was my first grayscale I colored. It was super hard but trying to make the elements around her look realistic was fun to play with.

Also shading the ice cream bowl and the milkshake cup on the left came out better than I expected. The whole page did actually! My husband didn’t like the cloud page; he didn’t understand why I colored “outside of the lines”. I think that’s the fun part about anything creative: it’s subjective. There is no right or wrong answer.

I’m still trying to find hobbies that calm me. I found watching a show while coloring in bed helps. I don’t the luxury of always being able to do this though, which kinda sucks.

I watched a few more episodes of Emily in Paris and I was mass live messaging a former co-worker who’s from Paris since he finished the series so far. Sorry Cyril, I had a lot to say lmao. I also started the second season of Great Greek Myths, hate you had to pay for the last few episodes of the first season. But I’m finding the more I watch this… the more and more Athena and Aphrodite are my least favorite. Athena has got some weird problems man. Also, I’m finding I was wrong about Paris of Troy, and I’m mad about it cause I still think he’s a big ass bitch. And of course nothing beats binge watching FRIENDS when you’re having a sick day.

I also finally finished the Shades of Kawaii book!

I’m having a lot of fun testing my creativity while still actively meditating in the process. I have to admit, there are a few nights I may have sleep colored a page cause there’s a few I really do not remember completing lol.

I had my sights set on an anime coloring book next but the second page had me stumped and I’ve deleted my progress at least 3 times. Maybe I’ll come back to it, who knows.

Have you tried adult coloring books?

Monday Mindful Manifestation

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I’m feeling slightly better from being sick over the week and weekend! I’m ready to get back to work — after I take a nap.

I’ve been listening to a lot rap lately; but then again I usually do. But more so recently, being sick last week sucked. I hate feeling sick during the holidays or pre-holidays because I always feel like I have so much to do. It honestly doesn’t help that whenever you’re feeling at your lowest it seems like the universe wants to remind you all these things are coming up that you have never heard of before!

So this week is going to be a week mostly of catch up. With making calls I need to make, cleaning, wrapping gifts for my family and friends, and getting ready to ship things. Also to look into things I’d like to bake for the holidays. And set up my streaming/Switch stuff. Oh… and my end of the year TBR. I really really need to work on that TBR plus I’m so close to finishing my GoodReads reading challenge!

So this week I want to try to remind myself to chill out, grab some coffee, think these things through and plan realistically and handle it. It’s almost 2021 and I need to get my mind, my soul, and my money right.

My current playlist;

My Shit Bang by E-40

Zipper by Jason Derulo

Gangsta Nation by Westside Connection

Hood Stomped Out by Clyde Carson

Walk it Out by Unk

Is That Your Chick by Memphis Bleek

What Means The World To You by Cam’ron

Get Your Walk On by Xzibit

I Think They Like Me by Dem Franchize Boyz

Grillz by Nelly

F Em All by ThisWae

A lottttttt of these songs bring me back to high school and college and of course ThisWae is my brother. This is legit one of my favorite tracks by him. And the video is dope af.

I don’t talk much about my before life but I grew up in a hood ass area. Graduated from a hood ass high school after being kicked out of my own high school. Can “childhood trouble makers” grow up to be decent adults and successful? ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTLY. Who you are in high school does NOT define you. I’ve seen a handful of the worst people I graduated with grow into business men, I’ve watched them find success, and be amazing fathers and husbands. And we ALL cheer each other on. It’s been years since we graduated but I’m still just as close to all of them, they all support me, lift me up and cheer me on when I need it.

It might also help to explain my ex husband was just as hood. I loved watching him c-walk. We were those annoying ass people who sat in a mall parking lot bumping rap with their car doors open just chillen. I met Wae through my ex husband, they rolled in the same circle. Wae himself has put him and his friends in fights and all kinds of crazy shit when we were kids. But ever since the first day I met Wae he had my back. When people at work were harassing and shit talking me, he stood up and told them to back off. It’s rare to find people like that, so when you do, you hold on to them tight. The love I have for him is absolutely endless.

So rap and hip hop have been a huge part of my life. And I hate that the more I’m away from home, or people like me, the more I feel that part of myself fade away. It only comes back when people push me to my limit and I stop caring about what people think or say about me. Esp since I’m a really nice person and I really try to stay out of peoples way.

So this week, I’ll remember who I am. Where I came from. What I’ve accomplished and what I know I’m capable of.

Friday Finds

This post is going up a little later than usual because well… I got sick. Or well, I am currently sick.

And I hate that any time I start to slightly feel unwell or sick I panic and think it’s covid despite I only leave the house once a week and that’s to run errands and I never take my mask off outside of the house. Although I’m sure it’s not covid since I don’t have a fever or trouble breathing, I’m just drained and achy. My meds increase was also making me dizzy the last few days so there’s that too. But still, achy muscles are the worst. I just wanna lay in bed all day and not be bothered! But I got up to write this post. And to start laundry. And to clean since people in this house like to not.

Thanksgiving is coming up fast and I still have a few things I need to get. Here’s some related links I found this week!

Whole Foods is “insuring” your Thanksgiving meal; this is a cool idea!

Food52 shares a trick for the most flavorful roasted veggies; My sister recently had issues in her gut and it turned out it was because she had “too much raw veggies” idk the exact details but I tend to like my veggies cooked anyway (she doesn’t, and I really need to introduce her to new eats lol).

PureWow (why have I never heard of these sites before) shares 43 mini Thanksgiving desserts; I’m a sucker for mini foods!

I posted 5 books that changed my life on hazearella this week! I really need to start pre-planning my posts.

Succulent Pumpkin centerpieces are a thing and they’re adorable!

CountryLiving is out here spreading good news! Cinnabon is selling it’s Cream Cheese Frosting in PINTS this year! Don’t act like it’s not the best part of a Cinnabon cinnamon roll lol.

If you’re like me and you like cranberry but wish you could do MORE with it, Epicurious has 63 idea’s for you to try out!

And with that, I’m going back to bed lol. Hope you all have an awesome day and a great weekend!

Monday Mindful Manifestation

It’s getting closer and closer to the end of the year; which means shorter days. Chaos. ALL THE GIFT WRAPPING. And if you live away from home, trying to figure out when to hit the post office before everyone else plans to.

The last 2 weeks have been a bust on so many blog/reading/cleaning plans. Readjusting to medication always sucks and there’s always something new that happens it seems. I don’t remember the first time I went through this anything like this. Then again I didn’t have an active toddler to watch last time and had the luxury of sleeping all day. If that’s what I wanted.

I am however 98% done with my Christmas shopping; I just need to wrap, address, stick in a box and SHIP. But even I think it’s a bit too early to ship. Maybe this weekend, since it’ll be closer to Thanksgiving and I know that’s when most Filipino’s put up their Christmas tree’s. Speaking of Thanksgiving I still haven’t found a dessert I want to make! Bubba got me a kitchenaid (FINALLY) and now I can bake ALL THE THINGS I WANT but now it’s like my mind went blank and I don’t know what to do. Something similar happened when a friend of mine got me Photoshop 7.0 back in the day. I sat there with an empty new document for what felt like DAYS. My ex husband would stare at me like “your mind is just exploding isn’t it?” and I’d just sit there staring at my screen whimpering lol.

I have a few fun things bookmarked but nothing that really screams Thanksgiving.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Pexels.com

Remember to rest.

Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time resting. Even though I don’t sleep through the night and I refuse to take naps. I almost feel guilty taking naps. Like there’s so much to do/get done that I can’t nap. And whatever, that’s fine. But I do need to remind myself to rest. Be it setting aside some time to just read. Or color in a coloring book. Or binge watching a show I’ve already seen. Whatever my definition of “doing nothing” means, I need to make more time to do just that.

And with the holidays coming it would be best to remember that now before the crazy starts.

Hope you all had a good weekend and have a good week!

Friday Finds

I feel like I haven’t done one of these in forever. I honestly feel like I haven’t blogged in forever either! I’m feeling a little bit more mental stability and the stress has eased off a bit. So yay for good news! My cat Sophie however is mad about something because she’s been pooping all over the floor again. Cat’s man, who even knows sometimes. The apartment isn’t any closer to my goal of getting it tidy but I have slight hopes for this weekend that it’ll be a little bit better than it is today. I also need to store away all the pumpkins, despite how much I love seeing them around.

I’ve bookmarked a ton of interesting reads this week and ironically I’ve been skipping anything political cause man, a president can’t like not leave if he’s voted out, can he?! Like man you lost the popular vote TWICE. Get over it and go. Thanksgiving is coming up and we’re spending it at home. I mean I was anyway but the husband and the kiddo aren’t going to his moms like they usually do. I’m also in the middle of getting Christmas shopping done which I’m almost done with? I just have to get the other half of the husband’s gift, the kiddo’s gift and the other half of my mom’s gift and maybe something else for my sister and my brother.

On to the links;

Continue reading “Friday Finds”

Word Vomit | Mental Health Update

Why does it have to be so hard to find a mental health resource?! Since the last update I finally managed to find a psychiatrist (cause those are the ones who give you meds) but not from the list provided to me from my insurance company. I actually had to find one via Psychology Today’s website. Yes, like the magazine. So thank goodness for that but at the same time… what in the actual FUCK?! Why would my insurance company send me on this never ending run around?!

Photo by Madison Inouye on Pexels.com

As you can see, the last week on this blog has been pretty quiet. Same with Twitter. I’ve just been struggling with my mental health and with being tired and with awful headaches/migraines. November is always pretty stressful and crammed for me but it’s harder to get these things done with a clingy toddler to watch at the same time. I have due dates for things and I have no idea how I’m going to get them done.

Speaking of; the decrease in my meds has been really messing me up, big time. Since my OBGYN said she couldn’t give me refills anymore for my Zoloft I’ve had to decrease from 150mg to 100mg to prevent going without for as long as I can. But because of this my mental clarity is starting to fog back up, I can’t remember words again, my excitement and inspiration is gone. And I’m just so sad. I feel like I’m on the brink of a sloppy sob fest any fuckin minute now.

I’m honestly so sick of being incapable of doing the things that use to be so simple to me pre-pregnancy.

/edit

I had my psych appointment and it went super well. Do I recommend tele-webcam-health? Not really. Connection issues can really mess up the flow of the conversation. I would had much rather had a telephone appt. But I did get the help I needed and I am on the waitlist for an actual therapist as well. So. Progress, yay.

Continue reading “Word Vomit | Mental Health Update”

Hello November

Hello November

Show of hands of how many people are glad this dang year is almost over.

I have a few basic goals for this month… that mostly have to do with money, budgeting and flipping my shit because this is the time of year where I just want to go shopping, constantly. Though I’m wondering if the fact I choose to still stay away from malls will help ease that. Nah, probably not. Not when there’s stuff like Afterpay around online.

It’s almost the end of the month so there’s also prepping for holidays and yearly recaps. And hoping 2021 will be a shit ton better!

Continue reading “Hello November”

Word Vomit | Finding a Therapist…. again

Just a brief back story;

About a year ago my mother in law attacked me on Facebook saying I was a bad mom cause I had dreams and mother’s shouldn’t have dreams; she should either give up her dreams or give up her child. This COMPLETELY came as a surprise to me considering she had been so supportive prior to this. I was dealing with trying to cope with postpartum depression and the loss of my dad. My husband spent years stressing that his family will always accept you but once again my gut was screaming “told you so,” for trusting any of that mess. She went on to attack my 2 close friends who were defending me, respectfully by cussing them out. Yes, this grown ass adult woman was opening saying “fuck you” to 20 year old’s who didn’t even dare to cuss at her back. And tbh, that said a lot about my mother in law’s character. I realized A LOT that day.

My depression spiraled beyond me trying to even both controlling it anymore that day. I was just so tired of fighting it. No one cared anyway. Everyone apparently had something shitty to say about “my behavior”. I’m so lucky that the real support system I have, and have had for the last 20+ years are always there when I need them, no matter how near or far. It was the first time I ever let my PPD get away with thoughts of hurting my child. It was the first time I thought if I got rid of her, everyone could just leave me the hell alone.

And that was unfair to her. My child was there for me when I lost my dad. When I didn’t want to do anything but lay in bed all day and cry. She would squeeze my hand and make me laugh. I’m just so freakin sick of people who refuse to get to know me and have the audacity to drag who I am. And this is why I didn’t want to get married again. I didn’t want to deal with shitty in laws again. I already went through a whole freakin decade of that shit, I refuse to waste any more time with it.

My spiral got really bad and I felt like the little progress I made to heal was just undone in that one day. So I called an OBGYN and requested to be evaluated for Postpartum Depression.

Continue reading “Word Vomit | Finding a Therapist…. again”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

It’s so cold today and it’s gloomy and raining. But so far I haven’t seen any lightning or heard any thunder and I LIVE for that on rainy days. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. Who knows, it’s Texas after all. I’ve been trying to get Sophie to stay out of the office this morning and Tums keeps wedging herself between us saying “no, no!” she’s so protective over her fur-sister it’s insane. Insanely adorable.

I finally got my Sage in last week. Thank goodness. It’s crazy how something like that could change your entire night time routine and your mental health. I need to be better at keeping Sage around. I still need to work on cleaning, sorting and organizing the office and some of the living room. I just don’t know where I want things to go just yet. And I also need to find a dish or something for my crystals.

It totally slipped my mind that Halloween is this week. I feel like I didn’t even get a chance to enjoy October yet! There’s no pumpkin patch photos or anything with us this year and I’m trying not to be disappointed. The most I can do is be better at prepping for Christmas. Even if Halloween is my favorite, there’s always next year…

I have a few exciting projects I can’t wait to get started on; both will be pushing my creative boundaries which I haven’t done in SUCH a long time. One will be using my love for candles and wax melts as well as incorporating scents into memories and the other will be using the culinary skills I learned almost 20 years ago that I should had been using this whole time. That part is gonna be the harder one.

November is also NaNoWriMo and I’ve written the beginning of the book I’ll be working on this year. It’s not another retelling, it’s not fairy tales and it’s not really YA either. It’s more like something I feel like I have to write about and I have to get out of my system.

I’m big on starting heavy projects and being all excited about them and suddenly just stopping randomly because I get discouraged. The only thing I so far haven’t quit on is blogging and photography. I’m trying to be better at not quitting before I start and not getting discouraged so easily.

Luckily the longer I take my Zoloft (I’m on a much lower dose than I was on the first time 5 years ago) the more I can feel my brain fog lifted. The more I can feel my creativity coming back and wanting to be used. And it’s been such a long time since I’ve felt like that. Now if only I can get my financial shit in order I’d be so set.

This week I want to manifest and remind myself that I’m capable of all the things I dream of doing and accomplishing.

What’s something you’re looking to manifest this week?

Monday Mindfulness Manifestation

Me and my bro have been really close since day 1. He’s the first dude to stand up for me in the drop of a hat. Don’t matter if I’m wrong or right, he’s got my back, period. And in all the years I’ve known him, he’s always been there for me. Period. Also probably one of the only Pisces I get along with. We both have a tendency to move around a lot so we haven’t seen each other since… 2007 I wanna say? But conversations with him always feel like a recharge to my soul.

There are moments, days, weeks where my closest friends will do something or say something to remind me how much they truly love and care for me. How absolutely unconditional it is and always has been. And I know I tend to forget that sometimes. I never forget that I’m never ever alone but sometimes I do tend to forget that there are a lot of people who would miss me if I were gone.

Stay close to those who makes you feel like you’re easy to love

Because no one should ever be around energy and around people who make you feel like you’re worthless and not worthy of transparency, love and support. I have found myself in those places one too many times and every time it’s taken a toll on my mental, spiritual, emotional and even my physical health and that’s not okay.

This week I’ll remind myself that no matter where I think I am in life, no matter how behind I personally feel I am, that there are people in this world that still think I’m worthy of everything I dream about. That there are people who know my past, who have lived it WITH ME that never factor it into anything negative. Would never use it as a way to say I’m a bad mom. That there are people who KNOW how much I hated kids and are happy to see how my daughter makes me light up. And that my friends love her just as fiercely as I do.

Wishing you all a good week!