4 Reasons Why I Blog

I noticed I don’t really have many helpful posts on this blog which are things most people search for or are drawn to; me included! I love writing about my personal experiences and expressing myself but also I want to be able to  help people. One of my goals this year was to build a space for myself where I could open and freely talk about Postpartum Depression and I created a blog specifically for that. Maybe some day I’ll feel comfortable enough to share it across all my other media’s but for now, I’m still paranoid my in laws are stalking my stuff so… there’s that.

I’ve been blogging since 1999. I started on Opendiary then TeenOpenDiary (which is still one of my favorite platforms looking back) then moving on to LiveJournal, Xanga and DeadJournal. I also dabbled in the random LiveJournal-like blog platforms like Blurty (which I’m so sad shut down before I could download my entries) and the like. Then settled into BlogSpot for awhile. I also blogged on Vox which was a great platform and of course both WordPress.com and WordPress.org.

Originally I started a blog because I was tired of my mom reading my diary.

When I was around 6 my dad bought me one of those kid diaries where it came with a literal lock. My mom hated that. She was a bit controlling and extremely nosey when I was a kid and felt like she was entitled to read my diary since I lived in her house. And that’s something I constantly struggled with growing up. There were times the things I’d write in my diary got me in trouble. One particular one was where my brother had done something and I took the blame when it wasn’t my fault and how he gets away with everything. I was maybe 8 or 9 when I wrote that. And as I got older it got worse but in that specific time frame I got in so much trouble for just saying he gets away with everything.

Continue reading “4 Reasons Why I Blog”

“Make sure you take care of yourself,”

It’s officially been a year since the last time my dad called.

A year since the last time I heard his voice.

And it’s so hard to write this. I feel like my chest is going to cave in. The phone call was only about 4 mins long. I still have the call logged on my phone and I make sure it doesn’t get pushed off.

I use to get so annoyed when my dad called. Cause he’d always say the same thing. But he did also always ask how I was doing, I just hated telling him if something was wrong cause he was a massive worrier. I firmly believe if he was still here during this pandemic he would lose his shit. So I would dread picking up the phone.

And of course now that he’s gone I regret every single time I didn’t want to pick up the phone.

The thing about his passing is that from where I am it looked like it was something that happened overnight. My dad was constantly telling me he was “fine, just tired.” and suddenly he wasn’t okay and a few days later he was gone. Just like that. To my mom and brother it wasn’t overnight, but they were there with him. I wasn’t able to go to his funeral cause I had no idea he was having one until the day of.

My dad knows flying is painful for me (doesn’t stop me from flying and wouldn’t had stopped me from going to his funeral had I known about it) and that Tums was too small to fly yet. He was always worried that Tums might have what I have but tbh I messed up my own tissues.

Long story short: I stuck a peanut up my nose too far (my mom is an RN and I wouldn’t eat a lot as a kid and she said if I didn’t start eating she was going to feed me through my nose like her patients. She failed to mention WITH A TUBE.) so my mom had to take me to the hospital where they had to remove it. And in the process I had somehow messed up some tissue in that area. I was suppose to have surgery to fix it as a kid but that never happened. It just feels like my left ear specifically is going to burst out of my head when the plane lands, no biggie. Sometimes I can manage to “keep pressure out of it” and it won’t hurt as bad when the plane lands… but you know what, this is meant for another blog post.

So that’s why I wasn’t told about his funeral; because he didn’t want me or Tums to have to deal with that. But in exchange, I still haven’t said my goodbye’s. I still haven’t come to terms with the fact he’s gone and sometimes I’ll even forget. And think it’s been awhile since I texted him a photo of Tums (he LOVED getting photos and videos of Tums every single day); and I’ll remember he’s gone and it’s like that day all over again.

I’m seriously surprised I haven’t burst into tears yet writing this.

His death anniversary is coming up and I honestly don’t know how I’m not gonna lose my shit that day. August suddenly has become really really hard.

Sorry there isn’t any photos or anything, I just really needed to write.

“Never mind that, just make sure you take care of yourself,”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

This was actually a quote provided by Word Swag which is an app I use for tagging my photos or if I want to put text in an image. I love the font options and they also provide quotes.

This is one saying/quote I remember hearing in high school and it really struck me. I get that moving around isn’t everyone’s cup of coffee but it’s mine. I get that traveling isn’t everyone’s desire, but it’s mine and it always has been.

I never believed in staying in one place forever. Even as a child I dreamed of all the states I could move to and all the countries and cultures I could see and experience.

A lot of things didn’t happen. Some things took years to happen. And with this pandemic my soul just aches in a way I can’t explain; I miss getting on a plane. I miss experiencing new places and new things. And now it seems like all of that is lost.

So this week I want to remind myself that it isn’t lost, it’s just going to take some time. In the meantime, focus on here and now. On rebuilding your passions and teaching Tums to find hers. I’m also going to remind myself that traveling will be much more fun once she can walk on her own (and less tiring on me)!

I also want to remind myself that just because here isn’t where you want to be doesn’t mean you can’t look for new adventures. Wasn’t I the one who said adventure can be found anywhere?

I need to remind myself that it’s ok if things feel hard; but it’s not ok to stay there. At some point you gotta get up and find something to look forward to.

What is a thought or saying you’d like to remind yourself this week?

Friday Finds (3)

img_4531

I know it’s been quiet here the past week. My intention was to study up on Pinterest marketing and learn all I could about Pinterest ads since I don’t exactly know how to get it to drive traffic to my blog. I posted a bit on my hazearella IG, gotta post all those Spring/Summer product shots before I move into the Fall stuff. I’m also trying to work out a post sched for this blog. I had originally planned to post 3x a week with 2 of those posts being weekly features (such as this one and Monday Mindful Manifestation leaving 1 post open for whatever else. Seemed organized enough but I’m working on the networking part of blogging also.

Anyway, I hope you all had a great week! It’s finally the weekend though with Covid it hardly feels like anything to celebrate or plan for anymore.

Geez, I’m just dark today I guess. ON TO THE LINKS.

Continue reading “Friday Finds (3)”

3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care

It’s 355am, clearly sleeping isn’t one of them. At least without a sleeping aid. I’ll get that checked, some day (that’s another story for another post).

Welcome to the summer edition of this sort of feature I suppose. As seasons change so do our routines and surroundings. Self care is more of a journey than a destination and my ways of caring for myself change every now and then. It’s always interesting to see what I’ll add and what I’ll take away. And even more interesting when I don’t even noticed I’ve added something until I look back at my camera roll (please say I’m not the only one).

That pandemic is still in full force; possibly in even more fuller force? At least here in Texas it seems to be getting worse. But we all knew that was going to happen, right? Still, it’s starting to test the limits of my anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I’m honestly surprised it took 3 months for it to start itching but I still need to get it under control. FAST. Of course when there’s a life threatening virus no one can see and can be easily transported ANYWHERE it’s kind of hard to not be paranoid (my husband’s uncle tested positive very recently but thankfully his mom and himself tested negative, though I’ve heard of false results and my ocd is RUNNING TO THE MOON with that info let me tell you).

Continue reading “3 Weekly Things I Do As Self Care”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

I stumbled on a blog post from writing from nowhere where she created a series of inspiring quotes in wallpaper format.

This one is currently my lock screen wallpaper. I use to change mine out every week with a new quote; it definitely helped me keep myself accountable and focused on my goals. I should start that up again!

Continue reading “Monday Mindful Manifestation”

Friday Finds (2)

img_4531

It’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these and tbh most of the stuff I’ve been bookmarking/screenshotting is either Animal Crossing design codes or new snacks I wanna try.

The lock down is starting to get to me; only because Fall is right around the corner and I won’t be able to freely run around and do all the fun Fall things I wait all year for. So here’s to hoping the second Animal Crossing Summer update is gonna be epic + there will be tons of new snacks and products to try!

Continue reading “Friday Finds (2)”

Recap 2020; June

Damn I’m inconsistent huh? It’s ok, I hate that about myself too.

 

To be honest I spiraled into another pit of depression and I can’t remember too much of June. I don’t think I even did much. The Covid thing really messes up my posts like this but it does force me to find other ways to be creative and discover other things to love that aren’t products or require me to go shopping.

Thank goodness for my camera roll or I’d have ZERO idea what I even did in June! But it looks like a lot of Animal Crossing!

Continue reading “Recap 2020; June”

Monday Mindful Manifestation

So how did I do with last week’s MMM? I think I did pretty well; I obviously haven’t worked through  all of it but I’ve at least tried to actively make moves to be better at controlling my thoughts and feelings towards it.

img_4293

This weeks Monday Mindful Manifestation is something that I’ve always truly believed and something that I stick to as much as I can. I get to choose my tribe and my circle. I get to have control over what type of energy I want to surround myself with and knowing I’m a creative type, I like to keep other likeminded and creative people around me. I love bouncing ideas off of friends, they definitely help me stay on my goals and help hold me accountable. And if I have a problem, they help me brainstorm a solution.

I’ve always believed that people who sit around talking about other people have small minds, and project their own insecurities super loudly by doing so. Maybe it’s just me, I’d rather spend my energy creating than hating.

The energy you keep is the energy you’re feeding yourself, make sure it’s good.

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind set and environment, trust me. I’ve tried. And no matter how hard you push, no matter how hard you work on yourself, your environment plays a HUGE part in your outcome and your mental health. So stay healthy, and that includes keeping positive people around you.

This is my manifestation for this week — a reminder to reach out to my loved ones when I feel like I’m struggling.